The Date That Changed My Life

A New Discovery That Can Improve Your Love Life In A Hot Minute!

Some time ago I had a date that led to a remarkable discovery and changed the way I view dating and love forever.

This amazing discovery is what I have come to call “The Split”.

Knowing about “The Split” – which I believe most of us experience – can change your love life dramatically.

I will tell you about the date that led to my discovery, but first I want to tell you right off what “The Split” is.

The Split In A Nutshell

Here is the split in a nutshell:  A belief that real and lasting love is not possible, coupled with a powerful desire to experience it.

Let me elaborate.  By mid-life (maybe even our 30’s) we have had significant dating and relationship experience.  To cut to the chase, it has not always been pleasant.  In fact, sometimes it has been a big “ouch”.  We may become pessimistic, maybe even a little bitter and jaded.

Well, if that were the end of it, we may just be able to breeze through life and all would be hunky-dory.  What makes it significant, though, is that this disappointment and lack of belief in love is often paired with a strong desire for romance and relationship. In fact, this desire is often so powerful that it becomes a driving force – it will not be denied!

You Are In A Bind

Imagine the bind this places you in.  No, no, not S & M darlings!  Get your mind out of bondage and stay with me here!

You want to date – or maybe you are in a relationship and you want it to feel good – but you no longer believe real love is possible.

The split creates pain! It seems to me that a lot of our defense mechanisms relating to love are to protect us due to this split.  And we usually don’t even realize we are engaging in a defense mechanism.  In fact, we can’t understand why our relationships are failing.

Now, onward to the fateful date!

The Date That Changed My Life

I met a charming and handsome man whom, over the course of a couple months, showed an enthusiastic interest in me.  We would run into each other and he seemed exceedingly happy when he encountered me.  It was that warm fuzzy feeling type of thing, you know how it is!    He asked for my number and we chatted on the phone and eventually went out on a date.

The date was great and lasted about six hours.  Interestingly, he even said to me:  “You do realize that we are going to be in a relationship, don’t you?” He also related a couple stories about how he had been hurt in past relationships.

Why on earth do we do that?

But, oops, I digress…a topic for another blog post (You Tell All On A First Date).

A few years prior his fiancé had an affair, and this had not been the first time this had happened to him.  He acknowledged that he struggled with trust issues, and to his credit even said he was excited about us, but also afraid.

When we parted, he said he would call the next day.  Instead, he called within an hour of our goodbye, and again the next day.  During our conversation on the second day, he sounded slightly insecure.

Nothing Had Changed

I want to make an important point:  Nothing had changed between the time of our date and the call in which he sounded slightly uncertain, making some comment about it seemed maybe I just wanted to see other guys.

I liked him and felt that I expressed it.  I wasn’t playing games or pretending I wasn’t interested.  In fact, all the cues were that I was interested.  While I don’t commit to a relationship with someone after one date, I thought I showed interest and had made it obvious.

Well, by now you can probably guess what happened.

He stopped calling and did not return my call to him a couple days later.  When I ran into him the next week, I asked him what had happened.  He said I didn’t seem interested in having an exclusive relationship.  I expressed that in fact I was interested in relationship, but to no avail.  He was completely shut down.

I realized at this point that whatever had happened, it had taken place inside his head – nothing had happened externally between us to create this shift.

I knew I was on to something big!

While I was slightly disappointed, mainly I was remarkably fascinated.  I knew I was on the verge of a tremendous breakthrough!  It was as if a light bulb went on in my head and suddenly I had an awareness of something that was like a piece of a puzzle falling into place about how we experience attraction and love.

In that moment I clearly “saw” what I have come to call “THE SPLIT”.  The split that so many of us carry within us that prevents us from having the great quality of relationships that we desire.

We All Have Fears In Love

Now I want to point out that I focused on the man in this situation, but I could have just as well focused on myself.  The intention was not to imply he did anything “wrong”.  He was simply being himself, as was I.

The reason I explained his dynamic was because it led me to the discovery of the split.

You might relate to either of us in this situation.  You might be either of us!  Or perhaps you even switch back and forth.  In any event, the split speaks to you! 

Most of us have fears in romantic relationship and we deal with those fears in different ways.  The bottom line, though: FEAR IS FEAR. We may not eliminate fear – after all it is a human condition – but we can learn to change our response to fear.  We can change the way we act upon it.

A Solution

Back to the split and how do we resolve it?

The simple recognition of “the split” is a tremendous first step in healing it.

If you aren’t aware it exists, how can it be worked – or played – with?  I say played with because as you begin to heal, dating and romance becomes more playful and fun.

Start to observe in yourself and others when “the split” is operating.  Think about your responses to romantic interests and see if you can see it in your interactions.  Most likely it will be in the form of how you protect yourself.

Another way it “pops up” is in conversations about romantic love.  Your conversations reveal your beliefs about love (or lack of belief).   Notice “the split” in others as they interact with you (I wouldn’t recommend pointing it out, as you are not likely to get a warm reception).

Next, if you do not believe love is possible, I want to challenge that belief and help you to erase it from your life forever.

My Best Relationships Ever program was developed as a result of this date and was designed to heal this painful dilemma.  It provides a foundation – a roadmap – that can help you heal your love life.  In fact, it can make dating and relationships more enjoyable and fun.

This program will be out soon, but in future posts I plan to give you lots of juicy details without requiring you to purchase anything.  In fact, my next blog will provide a clue as to how we go about restoring our belief in love.

In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences as they relate to this topic.

Be well – and may you experience the best relationships ever!