Can You Think Outside the Box?

How We Become Self-Righteous About Our “Pet” Causes

Ugh-oh, I think I might feel a rant coming on.  Hopefully, it will take us somewhere oh so bright and fluffy.  Kind of like those nitrous oxide moments in the dental chair (I am such a wimp) when you find yourself in the midst of a spiritual experience.  But wait, what about YOU?

Okay, that told you nothing, did it?  Moving right along!  We’re going to talk about expanding your consciousness regarding a topic that could really improve the quality of YOUR life!

Can You Color Outside The Lines?

Hang with me while I begin at the beginning (the girlie way of telling the story – juicy details) and I promise you I’ll bring it on home to you.

It all began with my plans to attend a raw food potluck.  I love gourmet raw foods and David Wolfe rocks! Anyway, I thought it would be lovely to attend a raw food event in my area.  I swear to you there is some really outrageously tasty food in the raw food world!  Really!

The Plastic Police

Alas, my heart sank to my flip flops when I received a message via Meet Up from the organizer that read:  “Bring your own utensils.  No plastic allowed”.

I think I then let out a couple choice superlatives like, “You have got to be friggin’ kidding me” – or something along those lines!  You are actually going to dictate to me what I am going to eat with?  And to add insult to injury,  I’m expected to bring it!  Are we going to have a utensil search like we do a brownie search when going to a Reggae concert?

This experience brought back bad memories of the look I received from the check-out person the last time I forgot to bring my bag to the store and asked for “plastic please” (I swear I re-use the bag at least 50 times.  Really, I’m a good person!   I behave at least 51% of the time).

I think I had a nightmare that evening about a plastic bag chasing me to smother me.  If there is a hell, I sincerely pray that I don’t go there and I do hope you will remember me in your prayers as well.  Thank you so much.

Maybe you have noticed by now, I don’t particularly like rules.  Needless to say (but I will), I did not make the potluck.

But, enough about me.  There IS a method to my madness that we are getting to that is about YOU.

When Did We Become So Self-Righteous?

Okay, now that I’ve had my little fit (visualize me throwing myself on the ground with arms and legs flailing), I want to say, “I get it!”.  The intention is often well-meaning and for a great cause. I’m down for the cause, really I am.

We care deeply about our causes and the world is a better place for it, but I have a pressing question.   Is there room for life in the gray areas?

A few years ago my friend attended a workshop in a snobbish elitist environmentally aware community that I happen to love.  The workshop was being given by a man who had single-handedly developed an environmental system that had made a tremendous world-wide contribution in a big way.

And guess what?  On a break he smoked a cigarette!  Imagine that!  The result was that several people left the workshop.  Again, what the f**k!

What Is The Cost Of Our Self-Righteousness?

Where is this self-righteousness coming from?  And more importantly, what is the cost?  What is the cost of our PREJUDICES?  Because, let’s face it, this is what we are talking about here.

We all have preferences and if we care about things in life we tend to become passionate about it.  Again, I get that!  I’m a rather passionate sort myself.

The Flavor of the Year – What We Demonize

It is remarkable that each time period seems to have certain things that become demonized and persecuted.

It’s called scapegoating and we have some pretty ugly historic examples, not to mention current situations.  And many of us jump on the bandwagon of the train bound for Aren’t I Amazing Land (and aren’t “they” horrible?).

While scapegoating does not always lead to dire consequences, it is harmful in more subtle forms as well.

The thing is, it is easy for us to look outside ourselves at the “bad” people and see it.  The challenge is to become conscious enough that we are willing to explore our own judgmental tendencies.  For after all, we are the “good” loving people.

Yet, I propose when we immediately shut down to another person over one aspect that we judge to be “inferior” to our lofty selves, we are dampening our ALIVENESS and openness to life.

What’s really amazing to me is that often I witness this characteristic in people who sing the praises of the oneness of humanity and love for all.

What is that about?  We are one unless you eat differently from me. We were one until I saw you pop that Snickers nugget in your mouth.  You beast!  Don’t you know the EVILS of sugar (food has become the 1950’s version of sex!)?

Fill In The Blank

Anything is fair game for us to display our sense of moral superiority – and by the way, I am not excluding myself here.

Here are a few examples:

I’m spiritual and they are religious.
I don’t eat meat and they do.
I eat meat and they don’t.
I exercise and they don’t.
I’m fat and they’re thin.
I’m thin and they’re fat.
I love Twinkies and they’re one of those weird vegans!
I drive a Hybrid.  Look at that damn tank they’re driving!
I’m into saving the environment. God friggin’ forbid you forget to bring your bag to the grocery store!
I’m educated and they are not.
I’m a skin color they are not.
They are a skin color I am not.
They are not a citizen of MY country!
They drink alcohol and I drink carrot juice.
The drink carrot juice and I drink alcohol.
They are a “conservative” and I am a “liberal”.
I’m (fill in the blank) and they’re (fill in the blank).

You get the drift!  So many divisions. Where does it end, or does it?

Life In The Florida Keys

I had the fun experience of living in the Florida Keys back in the days.  It was an island unto itself.  What I found most fascinating was that people of all ages intermingled – my dad and I had lots of the same friends.  People of all socio-economic backgrounds intermingled  (imagine that!).  It was quite an experience.  There were fewer divisions and I valued that.

Some of the most remarkable people I have encountered have different habits and beliefs from mine.  I love this about life – the diversity inherent in the human condition. It is the stuff life is made of.

Rigidity Is a Common Characteristic of Personality Disorders

By the way, not to get anyone paranoid, but extreme rigidity is the hallmark of personality disorders. Extreme rigidity is the quality of not being able to maintain flexibility and go with the flow of life.  It is about becoming trapped in a certain way of viewing life and not being able to step outside that box.

With that said, remember, just because you’re paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you!

Perhaps The Most Important Lesson

One experience relative to this topic stands out in my mind and touches my heart more than any other.

Many years ago, while a college student, I was visiting someone in an assisted living facility.  The woman I was visiting pointed to a caregiver assistant.  The woman was rather “dumpy” and didn’t appear to be someone you would imagine to be super bright.  She had no “education” to speak of.

The woman I was visiting then said to me:  “She has a brain tumor but she comes in here everyday and is so cheerful and wonderful to us”. I was amazed at this woman and indeed she was friendly and genuinely kind.

Wow, what we eat kind of pales at such moments, does it not?  What a life lesson to not judge by appearances.  I will NEVER forget this.

Bringing It Home

I know we are often well-meaning and I am “guilty” myself, but, this is the cost we pay when we judge someone.  We lose sight of the fact that people have so much to offer that we may miss because we were so short-sighted we were too busy thinking about what dinnerware was acceptable and how “cool” we are.

It is often innocent enough, not meant to be harmful at all.  Still, there is harm.

I hope you will consider being open to someone you may have disregarded, as a result of this post – and that I will too!

And, of course, I would love to hear from you regarding this topic.  I love how you contribute and help me take the conversation to the next level and I appreciate you all so much!

Be well and may you experience the best relationships ever!

P.S.  I swear I was NOT eating my raw spaghetti with a plastic fork while I wrote this post!  Bite your tongue.  I would NEVER!